Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
