i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
