Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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