just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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