I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
