your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
