it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
