I met the friendliest cop last night
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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