so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
