I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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