She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
