he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
