Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
my liver is dry heaving
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
