OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
my poor anus
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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