Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
