you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
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Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize