he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
