we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
