I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
