I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
