I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
