So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
