Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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