Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
