Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We were destined to go to rehab together
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
