She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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