Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
