Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
