I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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