My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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