at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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