But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
