My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
