Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
this hospital has no fireball
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
