too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
