she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
