i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
