I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
