Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
