She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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