I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
