Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
