i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
