I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
