I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.