In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
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I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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