So drunk its hurt
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN