The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.