People in love make me want to vomit
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't deserve a penis
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual