I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
