Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
