You don't have asthma, your pregnant
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
pop tarts are not kleenex
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
