clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
