It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
