I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
