I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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