My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
