I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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