Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
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Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
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I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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