i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
