chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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