im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
