In the future we'll all be gay
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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