It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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