Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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