i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
