I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
