dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
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Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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