I want to stick my p in your. b.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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