he wants to bone in the snuggie
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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