the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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