She announced her abortion via fbk
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
