I seem to have left my pride at pride
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
