The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
