i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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