I want to make a zoo with you.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
