Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
