There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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